Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize