More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
