I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
