Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
