She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
