Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
