My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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