I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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