And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
