Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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