Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
