i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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