It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
