She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
