i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
