i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
