She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Found the puke drawer
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
