I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
