$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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