I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
