on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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