She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
