Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
