i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
