Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize