i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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