i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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