We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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