I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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