There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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