What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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