a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So drunk its hurt
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
