yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
