i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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