ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
