its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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