I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
