Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
