Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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