Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Couch. On fire.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
