Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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