She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
