Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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