dude i'm inner monologue high
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
