i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
