I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
