"it" just moved
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
