she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize