the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
