i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
