she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
