Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
