I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't deserve a penis
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
