I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
