Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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