I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
