I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
