we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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