I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
