smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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