It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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