got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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