We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dicks are not precious.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
