The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
