cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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