Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
