I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
