God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
