drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
only you would photoshop your dick
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
