remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
