Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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