so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
