I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize
