Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
