if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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