im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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