Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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