Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize