haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
