Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
