remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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