tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
