Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
