My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
